**THE NICE GUY: PART TWO**

...A Relationship Advice Column for Lonely Boys

Last week, I talked about the fact that the whole nice guy routine is failing miserably in the dating world. Step one is admitting you have a problem.

Step two is pinpointing the problem so it can be eliminated.

So what it is about nice guys that turns girls off?

It’s a Thursday night, and you go to Movie Stop to scavenge through the discount DVD section in hopes of finding a good deal, and you notice an attractive girl shopping alone on the romance aisle. You know this is your chance, and you decide to make your move.

As you approach, you notice the girl is looking at a copy of “The Notebook.” Finally, after staring at her awkwardly for a few moments (and probably breathing loud enough for her to become aware of your presence), you work up the courage to speak: “OMG. That movie is soooo good. I watched it with my little sister. Believe it or not, I actually sort of cried at the end.”

The girl appreciates your honesty and starts tearing up as she describes her immense desire for an epic romance like that in “The Notebook,” a relationship she fears she will never find. You console her, saying, “Some day your prince will come. And he’ll sweep you off your feet! Who knows, he could be in this store right now.”

Touched by your kindness, she invites you over to watch the movie and eat some Ben and Jerry’s. Things seem to be going well when halfway through the film she explodes in sobs as she pours out her heart about her last relationship, which ended three days prior.

You, being the sweet-hearted guy that you are, hold her as she cries, occasionally wiping away her tears. After a few minutes, she feels self-conscious about the way she’s behaving, but you tell her not to worry about it, and, to make her feel better, explain to her that your last girlfriend left you because you were too caring (i.e. clingy) and that you cried like a baby afterward.

The girl will then look you in the eyes and say, “Bradley [not that I’ve ever found myself in this scenario], you’re such a sweet guy. If only all guys were as sensitive and caring as you … ”

Your heart melts, and time stands still for a moment.

“I’ve done it,” you think to yourself. “This girl actually appreciates nice guys.”

Then, just as you’re about to tell the girl that you’d like to spend the rest of your life with her, she delivers a crushing blow: “I’m just glad to have you as a friend.” Epic fail.

Once again, you’re in the friend zone.

Then, you get angry. But you don’t let her know that. Instead, you decide to continue spending time with her, knowing that at some point she’s going to see the light.

To help move the process along, you’re sure to constantly say horrible stuff about her ex-boyfriend who is doing his best to patch things up.

Also, you create a 10-part series of mix CDs, each with a hand-made construction paper case, consisting of all the songs that remind you of her and of a few songs you wrote about her. After a few months, the two of you are BFFs.

But over time, she slowly starts letting her ex back into her life, and your anger and bitterness slowly builds, until one day, you sign on to Facebook and see that she is listed as “in a relationship.” You’re furious.

You call her on the phone to confront her, and she explains to you that she thinks that her ex is a good guy who just made a mistake.

“A good guy?” you ask sarcastically. “He slept with a hooker that he paid for with money that he stole from a non-profit organization for starving kids in genocide-ridden Uganda!” You’re yelling at this point.

You’ve officially lost your cool (what little you had), and being the righteous, caring guy that you are, you say, “I’m sorry for being mean.

But I’m only doing this because I don’t want you to be with some guy who doesn’t care about you. I just care about you.”

She tells you it’s probably not a good idea to keep being friends. You’re devastated.

That night you lie in bed, unable to sleep. That’s when it hits you: She wants an epic romance? You’ll give her one.

You rush over to her house (it’s 2 a.m.) and start throwing rocks at her window. She doesn’t answer, so you start walking around the house, peeking in windows in hopes that you’ll see she is sitting in the living room watching TV, since she can’t sleep due to being upset about your argument.

Needless to say, you end up in jail, as the girl called the cops on you for being a creepy stalker. Instead of admitting that you were in the wrong, you spread nasty rumors about the girl, telling everyone she “led you on.”

While this scenario seems extreme, nice guys tend to do things just like this. They essentially become “girlfriends” with the girl they are interested in, sharing secrets, expressing inner feelings, going shopping, etc. And then, once the girl sees the nice guy as merely a friend, the guy gets furious.

The truth is that nice guys act this way because of insecurity. They’re insecure that if they don’t play the nice guy card, they won’t be able to compete with other guys.

So what’s a nice guy got to do to remedy his problem? Tune in next week to find out.